Friendship Flourishes After Fifty
By Dale Pollekoff
I moved to Los Angeles in 2000, hoping that the blessing of a warm climate would compensate for the curse of a dismal medical diagnosis. It did, a bit! But I soon found that the sun was not enough: I craved women my age to befriend, and new friends were hard to find. As years passed, I started wondering what was wrong with me.
Little did I know that my struggle was pervasive. All across the country, women in my demographic were grappling with isolation and self-doubt.
So, in 2016, I decided to do something constructive about it. I went to Meetup.com and started a group where women my age could connect. Wanting to be abundantly clear on the purpose of this group, I called it “Finding Female Friends Past Fifty.” I knew that it was important that everyone understand we were there for the same reason. FFF>F was an immediate success!
Three years later, when the New York Times wrote an article about it that went viral, that success spread to other cities. Groups calling themselves Finding Female Friends Past Fifty sprang up all across the Meetup universe.
Dale (center) wearing the green sweater.
There was a mandate to build community. And to fully address this, we needed a new platform. Women needed to feel that they’re in control and have the necessary tools to create the life they want.
And now, Revel is just that—a community where women can shape their own experience. Women can target their activities to local or national, create and attend gatherings that exemplify their particular interests, post searches for 1-on-1 connections, and find events that conform to their schedules.
As the Director of Special Projects for Revel, I’m seeing the silos that contained us breaking down. When given the opportunity to come together, the barriers that kept us apart recede to reveal a panorama of positive changes that are the result of the aging process. That’s right! Along with graying hair and the too-often touted liabilities of getting older, there are so many blessings.
In the last six years, I’ve encountered hundreds of women aged 50 and up at gatherings big and small, on and offline, and each time I’ve witnessed a phenomenon I never observed in my younger decades: a feeling of excitement, of potential, and of commonality. Our differences are smaller than our similarities, and our desire for closeness greater than our rivalries.
David Bowie said, “Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.” At 50, we’ve achieved this—we are who we are. We’re less inhibited and more authentically ourselves.
Competition—domestic and professional—has disappeared. Responsibilities to family and work are fewer, and, for many, our calendars are wide open. Whether we were married or single, homemakers or career women, our stories resonate because life has taught us the same lessons. We needed strength to overcome health challenges, withstand the loss of friends and family members, and adjust to shifts that affect our finances and lifestyle.
And, successfully navigating these rites of passage brings more compassion—for ourselves and others. We’ve made it this far because we’ve learned to adapt, to rely on our inner resources. This is a foundation on which friendships can flourish.
Go to hellorevel.com to join!
