What's not wrong right now?

The act of noticing changes everything. These guys were right outside of Kathy's bedroom window one morning. What if she hadn't taken a moment to not just look outside, but to notice?  It's true that what you pay attention to defines your life.

This and other wisdoms were explored in the LiveStream conversation between clothing designer Eileen Fisher and Geneen Roth, author of My Messy Magnificent Life this past Saturday.

We hope those of you who did sit in will share your comments below on the event. What are your thoughts on Roth’s methods for silencing self-criticism, otherwise dubbed “The Crazy Aunt in the Attic”?

If, like us, you ever “wake in a trance of discontent” as even the enormously accomplished Eileen Fisher says she does half the time, here are some of the takeaways that resonated with us:

• Be aware every single day of what is NOT wrong.

Look for, “What’s not wrong right now?” Framing the question in the double-negative helps identify what you are worried about and diffuses it.

Last night Susan was driving home from work feeling stressed because it was so late. "What's not wrong right now?" she asked herself. The answer: "I don't have to worry about dinner tonight. My husband already got take-out." She let out a huge sigh of relief.

If instead she had asked, "What's right right now?", she would have felt grateful that her husband got takeout, but she says she wouldn't have felt that same sense of relief. 

•  Silence the Crazy Aunt in the Attic.

You know the one who’s always asking “Why did you do that?”  “Aren’t you too old for that?” “Should you really be doing that?” She lives in the attic and you live two floors down. You don’t have to listen. 

• Stand in your own two shoes.

Show up where you are. Be present. Stop fixing things. Then you can finally have the dream life you haven't been able to achieve, because you've been too busy fixing things.

• Realize attention is everything.

What you pay attention to really defines how you spend your life. You have choices. It’s the act of noticing that changes everything.

Asks Roth, "What would happen if your energy wasn’t tied up in obsession, the size of your thighs, the wrinkles in your neck, what you did wrong.

"There would be enough energy there to power a nuclear plant, to change the world, transform our own hearts, and that would ripple out into the world."